


Heaven

by Tammy_is_a_monk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 02:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30098649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tammy_is_a_monk/pseuds/Tammy_is_a_monk
Summary: Dean and Cas meet again in heaven after the finale and finally kiss and make up.
Relationships: Destiel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Heaven

"Well, at least I made it to heaven..." Dean muttered after wakeing up from warm sunbeams on his face.

The last thing he remembered was beeing in so much pain, a long thinck iron rod impaleing him from behind, sucking his life out of him with every breath he took as he struggled to get the words out to his baby brother Sam.

His last words, his last goodbye to his beloved brother.

He remembered beeing so hot, yet so cold and fadeing into black with every second.

By the time Sam told him it was okay, that he could go now...Dean was barely able to even see him.

But he felt his hand on his own and he heard his voice and that is all he needet to do something he never did before.

He willingly let go and let Death break his fall.

Pretty soon after that...he was warm again.

He stood in the midde of lush green trees.

There was sun, there was wind and there was warmth.

Weird...that was not the heaven he remembered.

A familiar voice, dragged him out of his thoghts. A voice he didn't think he'd hear again.

It was Bobby, inviting him to sit down with him, have a beer on the porch that belonged to the hut that was suddently there. 

Dean could have sworn that neither the house, nor Bobby, nor the beer, nor the chairs have been there just a second ago.

But Dean sat down and had a chat with the only real father figure he ever had. He learned about Heaven not beeing what it used to be anymore, in the best possible way.

Apparantly Jack had come here and begun to tear down all the walls and connect all heavens with each other. Heaven wasn't just reliving your best memorys over and over again anymore. It was a place for people to come together and live in peace after death. 

"It's not just heaven..." Bobby had said.

"...It's the heaven you deserve."

Dean smiled at that and took a sip from the beer in his hand.

He didn't know if it was because he was in heaven or because he didn't have beer in a while...but that beer was the best he ever had. All of his favorite things about the taste of beer were just slightly more intense and the bitterness a bit weaker.

"Jack did all of that?" he chuckled.

"Well..." Bobby began and took a swing of his beer as well.

"Cas helped."

Cas helped...

Cas helped...

Cas helped...

Those words echoed in Deans head like a song that got stuck there. Or more like the best part of a song that you want to quote over and over again.

Dean smiled and just noddet but on the inside he was screaming.

He wanted to jump up from that chair, look Bobby in the eyes and ask.

He really wanted to.

He wanted to scream it.

"Cas is in heaven?! Is he really here? Where is he?!" 

It would be so easy to just say it.  
Just ask it. Just do it. Take his bowed legs and run to wherever his dead friend was and capture him in the warmest hug Cas ever got from him.

But he couldn't.

I would be so easy.

But he couldn't.  
The words got stuck in his throat and he was just...scared.

Scared of what Bobby might say if he asked.

Right now...he felt almost nothing but happiness.

He felt hope and peace and his head had finally stopped screaming at him.

He didn't feel any guilt...which was probably a sideffect of heaven...because Dean hasn't felt guiltfree in more then 35 years now. 

But what if he asked and Bobbys response was no?

What if Bobby would make a sad face and say that Cas had been here before and just set the ground work for Jack to complete. Or that he meant it as in the things Cas had taught Jack helped him form heaven. 

It would force him to come to the realisation that Cas isn't here...that Cas is in the empty...cold and alone and asleep. Unable to ever hear Deans awnser.

Dean knew this feeling...he felt it before...when Cas sacraficed himself for Dean and millions and billions of other people. 

"I love you...Goodbye Dean..."  
His last words before the empty came and took him from him forever.

A moment of pure happiness had conjured it...and that moment was Cas finally telling Dean what he truely felt.

And Dean wanted to say it back.

He really...really did. 

But he couldn't.

Just like right now...it would have been too scary. 

To confess your feelings to someone you're about to lose forever.

It just didn't seem fair.

Dean didn't talk about it to Sam and Sam never asked.

Never asked about how ignorant Dean behaved about Cas's death.

Never asked about the bloody handprint on the shoulder of his jacket.

Never asked why Dean never asked.

Dean couldn't even bring himself to look for Cas right now.

After Bobby told him that he could have anything he wanted here, it didn't take long for Dean to conjure up Baby. His beloved Impala and get in.

It felt so good just to drive around again. No destination in mind. Nowhere to be. Nothing to hunt, nothing to prove.

He came to a stop at a bridge crossing a big creek and got out.

He looked over the railing and waited.

He knew he wouldn't have to wait long. Bobby explained to him how these things worked here.

Time ticks different in heaven.

By the time Dean got into his car, Sam was probably already married with kids.

And by the time Dean arrived at the bridge, Sam was uttering his last words on his deathbed.

Dean could feel it. The presense of his brother growing closer. 

Death by old age...

What a very Sam thing to do. How boring.

Dean smiled when he felt him pass the vail and appear behind him.

"Heya, Sammy." he smiled and turned around to hug and welcome his brother.

Now this paradise finally felt like one.

Only one thing missing...

There was no such thing as day and night in heaven. 

If you wanted sunlight...you had sunlight. And night if you wanted to see the stars.

But Dean was still sure that he waited days before he finally had the balls to kneel down and pray.

He just couldn't take the uncertanty anymore, he needet to know.

"Hey...uh...Cas? Im so sorry...I don't even know if you're here...I don't know if you can hear me...but if you are...I would really like to see you again." he whispered.

Nothing.

Dean felt his eyes heat up with tears when he got no awnser, thinking this was it. Cas was gone.

Until he heard the familar sound of flapping wings behind him.

"Hello Dean..." 

Deans eyes opened on his own but he didn't turn around.

It was like he was paralysed, not able to move a single one of his muscles.

Only when Cas spoke up again, did Dean untense and slowly got up from his current kneeling position.

"Dean..."

Dean turned around, his eyes wet and whide in disbelieve.

"Cas..." he whispered. 

And Cas it was, standing in the doorway of Deans bedroom.

He looked happy to see Dean...but also nervous, which Dean could understand.

"Is...is it really you? Are you real?" Dean asked, unsure if this was just heaven giveing him what he wants.

Cas smiled softly and looked down.

I...yes. It's me." he said before looking at him again.

Dean swallowed hard and noddet.

"Really? I...I don't really have a way to verify that..." he chuckled nervously, holding back tears while slowly walking closer to him.

Cas huffed.

"I don't know...I don't know what to tell you. Jack...the first thing he did after takeing Chucks position was go into the empty and bargen with the empty. He promised it that it would be able to sleep from now on, he would personally make sure of that if it lets me and Gabriel go...it was hesistant before Jack said that if it didn't seal the deal he would leave without takeing any angel with him...but instead wake every single one..." he chuckled which Dean joined in.

"I then helped him rebuild heaven...it was...interessting. Ash helped as well...but we had to promise him that he get's to keep the roadhouse." 

Dean noddet.

"Y-yeah...I've been there...Jo and Ellen..." Dean said and trailed of, looking at Cas...really looking at him.

Blue eyes, shirt black hair and a soft blush on his face that he apparantly always kind of had around him...only Dean didn't notice until now.

Just like he didn't notice how Cas lowered his posture around him and looked at him as if he was looking at the sunset.

Castiel swalloed softly, clearly nervous.

"Im sorry...I...I heard about your death...but I didn't. I didn't want to be the one to approach...in case you wanted to..." Cas looked away a bit, hideing his own eyes which were starding to get wet.

Dean stopped and frowned, looking at him with furrowed brows.

"In case I what?" he asked.

Cas looked kept his gaze tied to the floor.

"In case you didn't want to see me..." he whispered, barely above his breath.

Dean was taken aback by that for a moment, gasping at the sheer absurtity of that proposal.

At first he was completly confused until it hit him.

Cas...he confessed his love to him.

His real not platonic...not brotherly...love, right before sacraficing himself. 

Poor guy probably didn't think he would ever have to face him afterwards...

And it's not like Dean didn't give him reasons to believe he didn't love him back.

Before Dean could say anything, Cas raised his head and spoke before he could.

"Dean...I know...what you're probably thinking about. But we don't have to talk about it...we can just...can't we just keep going like bef-" 

"No." Dean blurted out.

Cas stopped talking and his expression turned unbelievibly sad, causing Dean to act fast. Talking fast, stumbeling over his words multiple times.

"No, Cas...not like that. I meant that...we can't keep going like before when I know how you feel about me...not because I hate you for it! Absolutly not I just...im...I have scared! Not from you! Me...I am not...I mean...I guess what im trying to say is that im glad that you feel this way and it meant a lot to me...because it really took me a lot to change my...my mind about myself...not about that! But my self doubts and shit...and this was it! So you said I changed you?" he studdered and grabbed Cas's arms.

Cas looked a bit confused and taken aback by Deans rambleing, but Dean didn't care.

Confused was better then sad.

"You changed me too! You say I made you care! You gave me a reason to give a shit about myself! I didn't even realise how much I didn't care about myself before all the sudden you made me care because...why would someone like you love me...if im worth nothing." he said and looked at Cas.

Cas looked back at him , still confused, less sad...more....hopefull..

"What...where are you going with this?" Cas asked, his breath hitched, searching Deans eyes for awnsers.

Dean gulped.

"Cas...Im so...so sorry about how I treated you...and how I talked to you and how it took me until now to say that...I....Im..." Dean struggelt again.

It would be so easy to just say it.

But he couldn't.

It's just three words, danm it!

But he couldn't.

Cas already told him that he loves him...what the hell was he afraid of?

Dean has always been shit at words.

"That you're what?" Cas asked softly and as Deans grip on Cas's arms got tighter he wrapped his arms around Deans body, pulling him closer.

Danm it. If I don't say it now I will never bring myself to say it...

Dean thoght.

But he couldn't....

So instead he grabbed his face and kissed him. 

It wasn't the best kiss...

It even wasn't a good kiss.

In fact is was a horrible kiss.

No tounge, way too sudden, lips awkwardly pressed together and way too much teeth involved.

But...it was a kiss.

Cas completly froze up and did seem to make any efford to kiss Dean back.

Dean pulled off and stared at him, not quite believing what he just did. 

He was still close to him, still holding him close to his own body, he could feel Cas's heart hammering inside of him.

Cas stared at him in disbelieve, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Dean..." he whimpered after a while.

Dean gulped, panting, not knowing what to say.

Cas looked at him...he looked shocked and...scared?

Scared of what? 

To Deans surprise Cas pushed him away, not harsh, just a gentle nudge to get Dean off of him before he took a few steps backwards.

Dean looked at him confused.

"Don't do that..." Cas said, his voice breaking...so did Deans heart a little.

"Cas...?"

"Don't do that...don't give me hope...to make me feel better..." 

Cas was crying...full on crying at this point.

Dean hated to see that.

He hated how he knew that this was his fault.

Cas actually was so sure that there is no way Dean could love someone like him that even kissing him didn't convince him.

"Im not..." Dean began but quickly ran out of words.

He approached Cas again, this time instead of kissing him, he pulled him into a hug, which Cas accepted.

Dean felt Cas's arms wrapping around him, but not dareing to pull him closer.

Cas used to always pull him closer when they hugged.

He used to pull him into his arms and hold him and linger in the hug a bit longer then necesarry.

Looking back, Dean was an idiot for not realising it sooner...

Dean hugged him close instead, held him against his chest and didn't even bother whipeing the tears off his face.

"Cas...?" 

"Yes, Dean?" Cas respondet and didn't let go.

"You...Did you actually thoght I would hate you for this? Hate you because you love me?" 

Dean could feel Cas lowering his head against Deans shoulder.

I...I don't know...I thoght...maby-" 

"Don't ever think that." 

"Dean..."

"No....don't ever think that! Never! You hear me?" Dean spat out those words between the tears that were steadily falling from his face.

"I could never hate you...never...okay?...even if im shit and even if I made you feel this way...I don't hate you..." 

Cas sobbed softly and burried his face in Deans neck, takeing in his scent and wamth.

Dean let him, moveing his hand into his hair, gently strokeing it.

"I love you." Dean spoke and suddently...he could.

Without even thinking about it...he just said it.

Simply because it felt right and because Cas deserved to hear it...needet to hear it...

And simply because it was true.

Cas whimpered against Deans neck, moveing closer to him.

"You do?"

Dean noddet.

"Yes...and I mean that. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't. Cas...im so sorry." he said, his own voice breaking now as well.

Cas pulled his face away from him to look at him.

"Then why didn't you say anything...?" 

Dean whiped his face quickly with his sleeve and shrugged, his voice trembling again because he didn't want to be the reason Cas was upset anymore. 

"I don't know...because I was scared...and I didn't...I don't know..." 

"Dean...calm down..." Cas spoke and hugged whiped some of his tears off of his face.

"No! I hurt you...and you're the one that should hate me...and-" 

"Dean!" Cas spoke firmly, shutting Dean up.

Cas's face was still wet, but he wasn't crying anymore, he just looked at Dean with a light smile and spoke.

"After 12 years...many deaths, both experianced and witnessed ones...I have, and I can't make that point more clear, zero interest in hate...and regret...and holding grudges or thinking about wasted time...because all this time I wanted nothing more then to love you. Which I did...and still do. Always." 

Dean felt his heart fluttering, which soundet corny as shit but he couldn't help it.

Cas smiled and tilted his head the way that he did.

"Could we instead...just try this kissing thing again?" 

Dean huffed and had to even laugh a little before nodding and slowly leaning closer.

This time Cas was prepared und closed his eyes, leaning in as well until theire lips met.

And holy shit...Dean thoght he felt butterflys before but it was nothing compared to the warm flood of jitters that suddently rushed through his body, completly overwealming him in the best possible way.

How could someone have the worst kiss and the best kiss of all time with the same person?

This is how...apparantly...because Dean was in love.

He was in love with the way Cas moved his lips against his perfectly.

He was in love with the way Cas made adorable little happy noises, whenever theire lips broke for a second.

He was in love with the way Cas was so close to him, he could hear him breathe and his heart beating so fast and loud and happy.

He was in love with how happy they felt together. 

He was in love.

He was in love with Cas.

"I love you too, Cas..." Dean muddered against his lips, enjoying the way Cas's breath hitched happily for a moment.

"And...I do want to talk about it..." 

Cas noddet.

"Alright...let's sit down and talk. You know I always apprechiate our talks." he smiled.

Dean was about to get a danm heartattack with how adorable Cas was beeing. 

Good thing that he was already in heaven.

Dean didn't remember how they endet up in the bed.

He didn't remember how they endet up cuddeling up to one another, so close, Sam would have also fit onto the same bed three times.

But he didn't care...because he was just way to happy about beeing able to hold Cas and just...talk to him and tell him all about how he felt.

How he had always admired Cas...how he did feel like there has always been more between them. But he didn't have the guts to tell him...to tell anyone...he couldn't even accept it for himself. How could he? He was Dean Winchester...the ladys man. What would his dad think? What would HE think? And what if Cas didn't like him back?

Dean told him all about how scared he was Cas might find out and be disgusted with him, think that he's pathetic for believing a meak human could be loved by something great and human now.

And even after Cas was human, Dean felt like he didn't deserve him...and that there was no way Cas could feel this way about him. 

And about how when Cas finally told him how he felt...he just couldn't say it back.

Not because he didn't love him...but because he was about to lose Cas.

And he couldn't admit it...not to him...not to himself...not when he was going to lose Cas forever.

Dean was finally able to talk about all those things that were still burried deep inside of his soul, eating away at his very beeing day after day.

He could feel how good it felt...and how it healed him to finally talk about it.

And Cas just listened.

Just layed on his chest, giveing Cas the feeling of a comfortable weight on top of him.

And he didn't really need to do anything else but listen, as Dean just wanted him to know about it.

Dean just needet him to know that all this time he has been loved.

Every now and then they kissed, just whenever he didn't know what else to say or do, Dean would look at Cas and he would automaticly know that it meant Dean wanted a kiss.

And Cas would always smile and lean in, giveing him a sweet little kiss before returning to his position on Deans chest, listening to his heartbeat.

Dean was technicly dead, but he still had a heartbeat because Dean wanted to feel alive in heaven.

And in this moment, right here right now, he finally did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Im new on this site and apprichiate feedback.
> 
> For those of you who don't know about the ending of Supernatural, a lot of people are not satisfied with it and I completly understand why. 
> 
> The people who criticise it have valid and good points. One of them beeing Deans complete lack of reaction upon finding out about the fact that Castiel (His best friend who just confessed his love to him and then got sucked into the empty) is acually in heaven, which means they still get to talk to each other and see each other. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


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